Rebuilt For You
by PoeticProphet
Summary: Miranda & FShepard story revolving around the tension of FShepard being unable to romance Miranda. Don't worry, it eventually happens in the story though.
1. Chapter 1

There existed a feeling of desire I could not explore - a sad want which could never be fulfilled. She walked along, around, me and flaunted the attributes which made her so terribly desirable - a forbidden fruit I knew not to touch. But nevertheless, I could not refuse the emotions of admiring her everything - her perfectly flawed perfection - if that makes any sense. I am a Commander, a glamorous title which shines like the numerous heroic badges I place on my mantle, but it has neither stripped me of my humanity nor made my desires any less easier to ignore. I am Commander Shepard and I think I may be falling for my second-in-command, Miranda Lawson.

Miranda directed the same icy stare which never failed to bring shivers down my poor spine at me and I froze in my seat across from her, but hid my reaction by crossing my arms across my chest and leaned back - a trademark pose of mine. I gave her no inch through my barrier and I returned the same static expression on my face. She was behind her desk like always, typing away on her computer which glowed an orange hue and reflected serenely across her pretty features. I gazed in awe for a couple of seconds as she directed her eyes back to her holographic screen and there was a twitch of annoyance at the edge of her lips as she continued to type. Her eyes returned to me and I caught sight of the loveliest shade of brilliantly blue irises. I couldn't believe the impact of a simple gaze, but then Miranda was far from simple - she was brilliant.

I stared lost in my thoughts and she must have noticed me daydreaming for she said, "Shepard, what do you think?"

I blinked dumbly and her expression grew impatient while she leaned forward in anticipation, her hands clasped before her face - a look of aged wisdom shining from her eyes which looked intriguing on such a beautiful face. Her eyes reflected a far-off knowledge I simply could not touch - a certain knowing uniquely her own, but I could not resist wanting to brush upon such alluring rarity.

She rubbed her shoulder with her right hand and I followed with my eyes. She sighed exasperatedly and my ears perked up from the sound of her breath exhaling from full lips. I squirmed in my seat, but kept my composure.

"I think we should wake the krogan," I finally confidently answered and stared unwaveringly into Miranda's steely gaze.

"I don't think it wise, but you are the Commander," Miranda said, slightly begrudgingly. "If you want to risk the repercussions, then that is your decision," she finished, and I almost changed my mind completely from hearing the vague worry laced in her voice. Miranda's tone had always been commanding and sure, but after hearing the shift of slight fear in her voice, it nearly swayed my decision, almost.

I got up from the seat across from her and saw her eyes flicker at my movement, but they remained focused on the screen in front of her. Her elegant fingers were busily typing once more and she acted as if she didn't see me.

"I should go and leave you to your work," I said, and tried to hide the pain resonating in my voice. It was becoming more difficult with each passing day to hide the sorrow I felt from becoming entrapped in this unrequited love. I sometimes hoped Miranda would notice some of the clues of my one-sided crush like the longing in my eyes or the shift in my body whenever she would stand close to me or when our eyes would connect and my heart would stop. At times, I was so obvious I was amazed she hadn't noticed my feelings for her. But here she was once more, oblivious and not even acknowledging the change in my demeanor.

"Of course, Commander," was all she said and I walked out of her office, not wanting to turn back to glance at her once more because I was afraid I might never leave her vicinity if I did.

The aroma of Miranda's clean, crisp scent ceased to swirl around my head as soon as the doors hissed shut behind me. Some of the crew were dining and chatting amongst themselves in the common area as usual and I ducked my head down towards the collar of my shirt to hide the pool of tears in my eyes as I walked towards the elevator. I fiercely clenched my fist as I cursed myself for losing my composure during such a critical time. I am Commander Shepard. I am not weak and should not cry over a woman just because she does not love me back. My footsteps clomped towards the elevator as I practically ran towards it. I felt eyes on me, but I did not dare look up for fear of the fresh tears streaming down my face would be seen.

I calmed myself down in the serene solitude of the elevator and swiftly cleaned my face up with the sleeves of my sweater. I took deep breaths and exhaled. I had an important mission to do, and now was not the time to let silly, selfish emotions get in the way of thinking clearly. The elevator stopped and opened its doors to the engine room where the familiar creaks and banging of the Normandy's main engine resonated from the walls. The noise was comforting because of the many long hours I'd spent in the solitary space where the cargo was held, which was now occupied by a frozen krogan baby.

I made my way to the room and was greeted with a sight of the looming tank where inside, the krogan's eyes stared enigmatically into space even though I stood directly in front of its line of vision. My nose was nearly pressed against the tank as I observed the krogan's stature - much smaller than any other krogan I've seen, but if Okeer claimed the krogan was "perfect" then I simply could not pass on the opportunity for the perfect krogan to join my team. Just then, EDI's voice rang seemingly from nowhere and questioned my choice. I stood my ground and went ahead and opened the tank despite her words of warning.

"I can't believe you actually went through with it," Miranda shook her head in disbelief. We ran into each other as I was on my way to see Garrus. She told me she felt a slight rumble earlier coming from the engine room and assumed the worst. My heart couldn't help but feel a slight swell of happiness after hearing the concern in her voice. I wondered if her concern was for me or simply for the mission's outcome and the way I nearly sabotaged the whole operation.

"The krogan, whose name is now Grunt, simply slammed me against some cargo," I said simply, and Miranda gave me an exasperated expression - I loved teasing her whenever I could.

"You could have seriously been hurt," she said, and my heart stopped. I started to smile when I started to realize her concern was for me, but then she said, "We will need you to finish this mission."

My heart dropped to my stomach and I felt the same deflated hopelessness barrage me once more. Miranda only cared about the mission and nothing else - no personal attachment or feelings towards me, and I don't know if I would be able to bear that fact any longer.

I gave her a small smile despite the sadness overwhelming me and Miranda looked at me curiously for a moment. "I'll make sure to live long enough to get this mission done successfully," I assured her and never allowed my smile falter. She analyzed my face and wondered if I was simply teasing again, but the seriousness reflected in my eyes brought a short-lived smirk onto her face - it was a curled smile which curved the edge of her lips and I couldn't stand the sight any longer so I turned my head away towards Dr. Chakwas' office. I was acting strange again, I knew this, but Miranda must have guessed I had always had these off-beat quirks.

"You can never be serious can you?" Miranda said, and I had no choice but to look at her again and gaze helplessly at a woman I was standing so close to but could not belong to. Her eyes had a slight shine of humor in them as she shifted her weight to the right which emphasized her curves even further with her slanted posture.

I caught myself staring and covered myself by quickly saying, "Well you, Miranda Lawson, can never not be serious can you?" I threw back at her and she seemed taken aback.

"I'm just doing my job, Shepard. This is not a time for fun," Miranda said as if common knowledge and all hints of humor gone from her eyes. She looked away and seemed far away in her own thoughts for a moment.

"But it doesn't mean we can't enjoy life sometimes, especially if there is a large chance that we may you know… die?" I responded, and Miranda appeared to stiffen from the brevity of my words.

"I suppose you're right," she softly whispered, and I waited for her to speak further, but she didn't. The tension around us grew heavy and I heard myself breathing over the silence. I opened my mouth to speak, but she had already bid me goodbye and was already halfway towards her office. I stood alone and couldn't find the energy to move my legs until Garrus came out of the main battery room (he rarely does) and approached me.

"Hello Shepard," he greeted me and I retuned his greeting with obvious distress ringing in my voice. "Something wrong, Shepard?" he questioned, and I stared at his illuminated visor while I contemplated telling him my situation. I decided not to and lied.

"I'm just a little tired is all," I answered and gave him a small grin.

"Ah, get some rest Shepard, you look like you need it," he said.

"Thanks?" I replied, and he laughed. I laughed too, but it felt hollow and sounded far away from my own ears. I decided to take Garus' advice and headed back to my quarters for some much needed down time.

Without realizing it, I had slept and was dreaming of the one thing I wanted more than anything, more than being a heroine, and more than defeating the Reapers as selfish as that sounds. I was dreaming of Miranda and she was sitting beside me on the couch in her room. We were both silently staring out of her window into the beautiful view of deep space where twinkling stars sprinkled the endless black canvas. I felt her warmth permeate my skin and warm the coldness of my body and I felt content and… happy. It all felt so real. I must have wanted it to be so badly, my imagination gave me the gift of experiencing such an indulgent fantasy, but even though I was seeing and feeling the things I always wanted, in the back of my mind, there existed the daunting sad knowledge that it was not reality - only a dream. She did not say anything in my dream, but I could still feel the passion of the moment albeit it was so simple and innocent, almost juvenile. She squeezed my hand and I turned to kiss the top of her head. My mouth moved to speak and I could not hear what I was saying, but from the way my lips moved I was saying, I love you.

I awoke with a start and found myself clutching the bed sheets beside me where the empty space and a vacant pillow laid. I stared at the empty spot and felt a terrible sorrow course through me. I touched the spot and prayed for company to simply comfort me during nights like this. I wanted someone to hold so I knew I was not alone in such darkness. I wanted Miranda. I wanted her to lay beside me and warm the barren area I could not bear to look at any longer for it constantly reminded me I was alone. I rolled over towards the middle of the bed and splayed my arms out and then rubbed at my eyes to clear away the fogginess clouding my vision. I lazily swung my legs over the bed and cupped my hands over my face. I felt myself slowly falling apart over these suppressed feelings and hated myself for it and how weak it made me feel. I walked tiredly to the aquarium and watched as the various colorful fishes swam mindlessly around and over each other. Occasionally, they would look in my direction, but their eyes were never aware of my presence for more than a second. They would turn their attention to the next thing, never focusing on one particular target for very long. I thought of Miranda and how she was just like my fish - always there beside me, but never really seeing me. I smiled at the thought of Miranda being a fish and tapped my finger against the glass to command their attention, and one or two would look, but once more, they'd turn their glassy eyes away from me. I sighed and pressed my forehead against the cold glass. My breath fogged its surface and I meditated to the sound of the bubbled gurgling throughout the aquarium. The blue glow brought forth a calm and I reveled in the serenity, a moment of peace away from everything. I was quite thankful for the aquarium installed in my room.

"Enough! Stand down, both of you!" I cried out when I arrived at the scene of Miranda and Jack's argument. A chair Jack had levitated with her biotic powers nearly collided into Miranda, but she easily dodged the attack. I inwardly sighed at the situation I had to face and dreaded mediating between two impossibly stubborn individuals.

"The cheerleader won't admit what Cerberus did to me was wrong!" Jack said through gritted teeth as she encroached threateningly towards Miranda.

"It wasn't Cerberus. Not really. But clearly you were a mistake," Miranda said in a snide manner and caused Jack to whip around and point a finger inches away from Miranda's face.

"Screw you!" Jack childishly rebutted. "You've got no idea what they put me through! Maybe it's time I showed you!"

I froze and tensed my muscles. I hoped things wouldn't need to resort to violence, but if it did, I was ready to protect Miranda or vice versa of course. I stepped in quickly before anything physical could happen and said without thinking, "When you agreed to work for me, you agreed to be part of a Cerberus mission," I directed towards Jack.

Jack spun around in frustration. "You're both assholes. You want me to fight for you, fine. You want anything more, go fuck yourself!" With a flourish of her biotics, Jack stomped away in a huff without another curse word. I was relieved for her departure, but felt guilty for siding with Miranda when I promised myself there would be no favoritism onboard the ship, but clearly it was exactly what I was doing.

"Thank you," Miranda softly said, and I turned to her. "Sorry about that… I hope she doesn't cause us any more trouble than she's worth," was all she said with a tinge of guilt in her voice. She returned to her desk to sit back down and immediately started busying herself with her work. I decided to leave her be and let her mull over her own thoughts. I knew I had to patch things back up with Jack if I wanted her loyalty for the mission. The doors hissed shut behind me and Miranda and I were separated once more.


	2. Chapter 2

After I patched things up with Jack, I barely had time to breathe before Kelly approached me with an excited pinkness staining her cheeks. She came from practically nowhere and surprised me while I was staring curiously at the empty spot where she usually stood.

"Shepard," she said, out of breath and her reddish-orange hair in a frenzied mess. "The Illusive Man informed Miranda that you should head to Horizon immediately. The colony has come under a Collector attack. Miranda advises we head there without any delays if we have any chances of saving the colony."

Without saying a word to Kelly, I ordered Joker to set course to Horizon and went to Mordin's lab to see if he discovered a way to counteract the swarm's stasis abilities.

While we waited to be transported down to the colony, I stared absentmindedly into space, but my mind was going off in all sorts of directions although I looked calm outside. Miranda sat beside me on the Kodiak and with a reason unknown, things had become tense and uneasy between the two of us. I brushed off her despondent attitude as a result of the recent argument she had with Jack. But our fingers accidentally touched and I froze from the contact. Miranda and I locked eyes and we both quickly pulled our hands to place them on our laps. I felt a deep blush arise from my neck and crept to my cheeks. Thankfully, my helmet covered most of my face. I snuck a glance at Miranda and saw a frazzled look in her eyes. I wondered if she disliked me so much she didn't even want to touch me. I resorted to playing with my gun and prepared it for action, but inside I was crumbling and crying out for her attention, but it remained uncomfortably silent between us. Garrus stood at the end of the Kodiak, quietly analyzing the situation. He looked at the two of us, but remained silent, thinking it best not to interfere with human female problems.

I stared down at my Omni-tool and gazed into its orange glow and forced myself to become lost in its hypnotic luminance. I couldn't find it in myself to place my eyes back on Miranda, for fear of feeling the unfulfilled desire inflict upon me again - I could not afford such silly flights of fancy if I was expected to save lives.

Finally, the Kodiak dropped down to the colony and my team of three simultaneously prepared to get off. We had gone on every mission together so far and we synced our moves as if we had known each other all our lives. I couldn't help but smile at the camaraderie I began to feel amongst my squad mates and then shook my head for feeling such sentimental emotions at such a chaotic time. Miranda saw my smile light up my face and I could vaguely see her looking at me curiously from my side. Could she read my mind? She turned away from me and I internally wished she would look at me again because it always made me feel so alive to have such intelligent and thoughtful eyes placed upon me. She held onto the handles of the Kodiak and rode out the turbulence as it landed steadily to the ground.

Garrus took the flank and we got off - ready to save the day. Unfortunately, by the time we arrived, half of the colony had already been taken away. Seeing faces frozen in expressions of horror impacted me more than I thought it would. As we made our way through the colony, bodies stiff in a state of paralysis stared emptily, helplessly at the three of us while I stared back at them mirroring their expressions of horror. Civilians occupied nearly every area we explored, and at one point, I nearly ran away from the horrific sight, but no heroine would ever dream of behaving in such a cowardly manner. Plus, with Miranda by my side, I became a stronger person - like magic, whenever one is around the person they love.

Tirelessly, exhaustedly, my team and I activated the colony's defense cannons and drove away the Collector ship attacking the colony. When we were finished, my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest and my body was completely sapped of any energy. To add insult to injury, the mechanic of Horizon begins to use me as his own personal punching bag, proclaiming to me I could still rescue the colony that was taken by the Collector's ship.

I remained calm and simply said, "I didn't want it to end this way. I did what I could." But deep down, I was screaming, clawing away at the guilt of seeing so many innocent lives fall out of my grasp. I couldn't show this pain, this guilt because my role of being a Commander had me truly believing I was as strong and resilient as people saw me to be.

"More than most, Shepard," Garrus suddenly reassured me, and I was grateful for him offering me such a simple sentence to alleviate some of the heavy burden off my shoulders.

The Horizon mechanic recognized my name and referred to me as being synonymous with the title of an Alliance heroine. Once again, I felt the familiar weight fall on my shoulders at the reminder of the duty I had yet to fulfill. Everyone viewed me as some sort of unshakable heroine - a strong icon the universe could look up to, but inside I felt weak. Something as simple as unrequited love broke me faster and harder than any Collector ship or devastating Reaper was able to. Deep down, I was more fragile than glass. My eyes turned to Miranda standing silently by my side. She was not looking at me, but was glaring at the mechanic. Always so mistrustful and all-business, traits of Miranda I couldn't help but admire despite everyone seeing it as icy haughtiness.

Then out of nowhere, Ashley Williams appeared from behind some cargo boxes and began speaking proudly of my name, "Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel." She turned to the mechanic and continued, "You're in the presence of a god, Delan. Back from the dead," she turned back to me with a look of awe.

The mechanic, whose name is discovered to be Delan, waved a dismissive hand and muttered something insulting about the Alliance before he walked off.

Ashley took steps towards me and I found my muscles tense up, but I couldn't figure out why. I have been through hell and back with Ashley on our previous mission together to stop Saren, but why was I acting as if she was a stranger? Miranda's eyes grew even narrower at the sight of Ashley. I assumed she knew everything about Ashley from the dossiers she must have studied on me during the two years working on the Lazarus Project. I saw out of the corner of my eyes Miranda crossing her arms and leaning back in a similar fashion to my own, and internally smiled.

Ashley was observing me curiously and raised an amused eyebrow before putting out a hand for me to shake. "I thought you were dead, Commander. We all did," she said, lowly and there was an inflection of sadness in her voice.

I took her hand in mine and held onto it, feeling the warmth of her hand burn through my gloves. "It's been too long, Ash. How have you been?" I asked her, and her face twisted into one of irritation.

"That's it? You show up after two years and act like nothing's happened?" Her voice rose louder as she spoke and I flinched back slightly from the anger I saw flashing in her eyes. I couldn't tell if it was my imagination or not, but I thought I saw Miranda stepping forward protectively when Ashley raised her voice. I shook it off as wishful thinking.

"I would've followed you anywhere, Commander. I thought you were gone… I… you were more than our Commander. Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?" Ashley questioned and looked at me with a hurt expression. I felt a stab of guilt penetrate me relentlessly as I looked into those pained eyes of her.

Her words stung me, but I remained calm like always and showed little emotion. "I was out for two years. You've moved on with your career and your life. Why reopen old wounds?" I tried to reason with her.

"I moved on… but here you are pulling me back in. And now we've got reports about you and Cerberus," Ashley responded, and I was surprised by her knowledge of me and my relationship with Cerberus.

"Reports?" Garrus' deep voice rang out from behind me. "You mean you already knew?" he said to Ashley.

"Alliance intel said Cerberus could be behind our missing colonies. We got a tip that this one could be the next to get hit. I went to Anderson, but he wouldn't talk. But there were rumors that you weren't dead. Worse; that you were working for the enemy," Ashley explained and looked at me with accusatory eyes. Miranda scoffed so softly beside me it was barely audible and only I heard it.

As I stared at Ashley's disappointed face I wanted to take Ashley by her collar and shake her. I wanted to scream in her face and tell her that I was not the enemy and why couldn't she find it in her heart to believe me, her old Commander, her old friend? Instead, my usual calm composure took the place of what my heart truly yearned to do, "Our colonies are disappearing," I started. "The Alliance turned its back on them. Cerberus is the only group willing to do something about it." Was Miranda smiling now? My eyes strained to the side to see for sure, but there was no mistaking it - Miranda had a small smirk on her lips after hearing me harp about Cerberus.

Ashley scowled at me and said, "Bullshit! I know what Cerberus is like. They talk about putting humans first, but at what cost?" She approached closer towards me so her words echoed even louder in my head. "I wanted to believe that you were alive… I just never expected anything like this." her face turned sad, but I refused to show my own pain. "You've turned your back on everything we stood for!" She added, throwing as many guilt trips as she could at me.

I started to feel myself crumble and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to blow up at her. "Ash, you know me," I tried reasoning with her again. "You know I'd only do this for the right reason. You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting human colonies. And they're working with the Reapers!" Why can't you get it? I thought, but I knew, she still didn't believe me for there was that same god-awful doubt clouding her eyes. I began to realize she would never believe me.

"I'd like to believe you, Shepard. But I don't trust Cerberus. And it worries me that you do. What did they do to you? What if they're behind it? What if they're the ones working with the Collectors? " Her words cut me like the sharpest knife and all the power of reasoning left me for I knew she would never understand. My eyes turned to Miranda and I could see her eyes observing the scene before her like a play. She saw the same doubt in Ashley's eyes begin to cloud my own, as I too, questioned if I really had changed.

But Garrus defended me once more and said, "Damn it, Williams. You're so focused on Cerberus that you're ignoring the real threat!"

Thank you, Garrus, I internally thanked him for having my back. He always spoke up when I needed him the most. I couldn't have asked for a better squad mate.

With one last ditch effort, I spoke to Ashley once more. "You're letting how you feel about their history get in the way of the facts."

In an instant, as if Ashley was waiting to impart more doubts into my mind, she said, "Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe it's you." Her eyes widened as she spoke as she looked at me as if I was a stranger and I felt mine enlarge also. She was getting to me, and I hated to admit it. Miranda grew restless from listening to the conversation and for a second, I thought she was about to throw Ashley with her biotics.

There was a revelation imparted somewhere in her statement and maybe even some truth. My eyes flickered to Miranda standing beside me and she was staring intensely at Ashley - she looked like she wanted to claw her eyes out. Without wanting to, I took Ashley's words to heart and wondered if all I was feeling was only due to a debt I felt had to be paid.

Ashley turned away from me, but before she left she said, "Cerberus can't be trusted," her eyes flickered to Commander. "So long, Commander. Good luck."

Short and curt goodbyes - I forced myself not to run after her and beg her for her reconsideration. Ashley had always been a good soldier and a good friend, and after seeing her after two years, it hurt to say goodbye to her so quickly. She turned away for good, and all I could do was stand in my spot, radio Joker, and tell him to pick us up.

Back on the Normandy, I sat staring into space in my private quarters. Meeting Ashley on Horizon did not go even remotely what I thought it would. I had fantasized in my head a happy cheery reunion between two old friends with a lot of hugs and well-meaning greetings, but instead, I was accused of working with the enemy and being a traitor to the Alliance. Nothing was going right. I shouted in frustration and threw my old N7 helmet on the ground, but regretted the irrational action immediately. I gingerly picked up the already fragile helmet and placed it apologetically back on my desk. I observed its cracks and felt my heart drop from all the nostalgic memories that started to overwhelm me.

I laid down on my bed and sighed heavily as I placed an arm over my eyes. EDI's voice brought me out of my thoughts. "Commander, Ms. Lawson would like to see you in her office."

My heart jumped to my throat from hearing Miranda's name, even just her last name, and I said. "Thanks EDI. I'll head there now." I pushed myself off the bed and made my way to Miranda's quarters. I felt like a child who had just been sent to the principal's office. As I rode the elevator down, my anticipation grew as I thought of all the possibilities of Miranda calling me down. In my dizziest daydreams, I pictured me stepping into her office to hear her immediately proclaim her undying love to me, but it was nothing more than a childish fantasy.

I stood outside Miranda's office and composed myself. I felt my fingers dig painfully against the flesh of my palm. I breathed in deeply and exhaled shakily as if I was about to enter a Rachni lair and felt silly for acting like a ditzy high school girl with a crush. The doors whooshed before me when I stepped forward and I reveled like a child at the breeze the doors always created and fanned my hair like a small flight simulation. Immediately, my eyes fell upon Miranda sitting behind her desk with her eyes always dutifully focused at the screen in front of her. For the first time, she noticed me when I stepped through her door.

"Shepard," she said with hesitation. "I find myself in the unpleasant position of asking for your help." I hated hearing the anxiety reflected in her voice when she never needed to worry about asking for my help for anything. "I don't like discussing personal matters, but this is important," her face grew serious and I saw a frantic desperation in her shiny deep-blue eyes.

"Miranda, you're one of my crew. Tell me what's on your mind." I gave her a reassuring smile and she blushed so slightly it was barely noticeable.

"You remember what I told you about father building a dynasty? There was another reason I went to Cerberus for protection." She got up off her desk and walked over to me. I followed her with my eyes and felt my muscles lock up with anticipation as she encroached my space. It took every ounce of my concentration to remain focused on her words. She informed me she has a sister, a twin and the look of surprise on my face showed. My mind branched out into thoughts of two Mirandas and how that would rupture my poor heart at the sight of an overwhelming duo of beauty and intelligence. I pulled myself away from drooling fantasies and listened patiently as Miranda continued. I saw worry on her face as she told me her bastard of a father is hunting for her sister and has possibly tracked her down. I am shocked at the sudden vulnerability I see in my usually confident xo as she resumed to explain how her sister is in danger.

My heart softened when I looked at the concern etched on her face for her sister's safety - the only connection she had to more innocent times. She played the role of the cliché big-sister so well, and this side of her she revealed made her all the more adorable. I wanted to take her in my arms and tell her it was going to be okay, but I knew such bold actions could not be permitted. Just when I thought I couldn't admire Miranda anymore, she broke down more space in my heart to love her with each surprising attribute I uncovered from her steely exterior - like finding gems. I promised her we would head to Illium to save her sister immediately.


	3. Chapter 3

The mission was fraught with endless action and fast-paced, blurry decisions I could not remember making. Miranda raised her gun towards her friend, Niket, once she realized she had been betrayed by the only person she still thought she could trust from her past. I recalled stopping her before she shot her childhood best friend, Niket - I could not bear to see her go through with a murder despite the justifications. Niket had been killed by the Eclipse Captain, Enyala, in the end. A fire grew from within Miranda after seeing Niket being shot by the asari and she biotically flung her effortlessly across the room. Such beauty even during her most pivotal point of rage - I had never seen anyone display such grace with biotics before. A battle ensued afterwards and I fought valiantly because I knew the stakes were too high and important to lose.

After the bloodshed had ended, seeing the softening of Miranda's eyes as she silently observed her baby sister, Oriana, from afar was a stark contrast of scenery from the earlier chaotic violence. I advised her to speak to Oriana, to tell her she has a wonderful big sister who had and will always protect her. Somewhere in me, I felt a great need to know Miranda had been fully satisfied in her desire to establish a relationship with her sister - maybe because, I too, wanted to feel the satisfaction of seeing my older sister once more. I tried not to make Miranda's confliction about my own personal problems, but I couldn't help but remember my own family back on Mindoir. With all my will, I pushed them from the far unreachable places of my mind.

For once, Miranda seemed to listen to my words and take them without a grain of salt. The wall that seemed to always be between us dissipated and she truly saw me for who I was for the first time. She took my advice and went to speak to Oriana. I watched as she approached her baby sister and saw a hesitation, a fear rarely seen in the confident Ms. Lawson. I turned away to give her the much deserved privacy with her sister.

"Thank you, Shepard, for everything," Miranda's soft lilting voice came from behind me. We were back on the Normandy. I was looking over the new dossiers the Illusive Man had sent to me in her office.

I inhaled deeply and took in the fresh clean scent I've forever associated with Miranda's person. I smiled and turned around to see thankful blue eyes staring back at me. It was the first time Miranda ever looked at me in such a gentle manner. I couldn't help but flash her a genuine smile from seeing the newly happy expression on her face.

"No need to thank me. It's nice to finally see you smiling," I tell her, and I meant it truly.

Miranda's eyes widened slightly from my words and - could it be? - she was blushing. Trying to hide her reddening face, she brought a hand to her cheek to rest her palm against the hot skin and she turned slightly away from me.

"Are you blushing, Ms. Lawson?" I couldn't help but say. The opportunity for teasing was too good to pass up.

Frantically, she said., "I am not, Shepard! Can't a simple thank you suffice without you turning it into one of your jokes?" Miranda looked at me with flushed cheeks and I wanted to kiss her and create an even deeper shade of red on that porcelain-white skin of hers, but I didn't of course - I couldn't.

"Sorry, _Miri_," I teased her, calling her by her childhood nickname Niket and Oriana dubbed her.

Her cheeks grew even redder and my plan had succeeded. Miranda now had a deep shade of red on her face making her look like an infuriated tomato. " Sh-shepard!" she said flustered, another first for Miranda. "You can be such an ass!" She turned to walk away, but I quickly grabbed her shoulder to stop her.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I was just teasing, Miranda," I told her calmly.

Her back remained turned to me and I stared longingly at the back of her head where full locks of lusciously dark hair flowed in slight waves down her back. I traced the long length of her hair with my eyes and found myself mindlessly reaching out to touch it. My fingers stroked the soft, thick hair and when I realized what I was doing, I pulled my hand away as if I touched a roaring fire, but it was too late. Miranda turned around and stared at me with wide wondering eyes. I couldn't speak. I was too afraid of what I had done - what I had revealed.

Miranda didn't back away nor did she show any signs of disgust - there was only a vague sadness etched on her face. I opened my mouth to speak, but could not find the right words to say to excuse my odd behavior. I turned my eyes to the ground and stared intensely at the patterns on the tiles of the ship - I wanted so badly to disappear underneath the floor.

"Shepard," Miranda finally said, her voice lackluster. "We… can't." She spoke vaguely, but I clearly understood what she meant. Her words hit me incredibly hard and knocked the breath out of me. I became mute as my mind shut itself down to prevent my thoughts from processing the realization of what I had just heard.

Speak! I yell at myself, but for some odd reason, my mouth remains glued shut. I had become cowardly and weak again - nothing like the heroine of the galaxy - what a crock I was.

"Shepard?" Miranda called out to me, but I tried not to look at her. I was ashamed of how I felt, but couldn't stop myself from caring for her regardless of how she felt about me.

"I'm sorry, Miranda," I whispered. I admitted my defeat and took my loss with grace. Miranda reached out a hand to touch my shoulder and I let her hand rest atop my sweater and I awaited for the warmth of her hand to penetrate the layers of my clothing. I wanted to feel her body heat at least once against me, but it didn't happen. My body had become cold and it would not allow the access of her warmth to comfort me. My eyes remained directed to the floor. I could smell her clean scent and it only hurt me more to feel and smell her all around me, but I was forbidden to enclose the gap which cursed us apart.

"Don't be sorry," Miranda said. Her hand still rested on my shoulder, but no heat touched my flesh. "You are the greatest friend I have ever had and I am grateful for you, Shepard," she said honestly.

Her words touched my heart, but they also confirmed I would be nothing more than just a friend in her eyes. My body trembled and tears threatened to burst from me, but I refused to cry in front of her. "Only a friend?" I asked her. I forced my gaze to her and saw tears forming a thin cover over her eyes. The blue hue of her irises shone brilliantly from the refraction of light bouncing off the fresh tears and once more, I longed to have her for my own. Why couldn't it be that simple?

Miranda averted her eyes away from my pleading face and I wondered what she was thinking. It hurt me to know I had placed those tears in her eyes, but what did they mean? Did she truly care for me?

"We can't…" Miranda repeated, and lacerated my heart again with her refusal.

"Is it okay if I know the reason why?" I wanted to know. Did she simply not have any romantic feelings for me? Did she find this kind of love appalling?

She gazed up at me with sorrowful eyes and for a moment, I feel a pain even greater than mine radiating off of her body. Her hands were clutched together in balled-up fists at her chest. She displayed a vulnerability which showed just how fragile she really was beneath her confident bravado. "You mean a great deal to me, Shepard," she said. "But my heart cannot give you the love you think I am able to." Her hands remained clutched at her heart as if wanting to tear it out of her chest. I see a frustration cross her face and watch in wonder at her unravel before me. "I am incapable of loving anyone, not just you" she whispered and looked sadly down at her feet.

"What do you mean Miranda? You love Oriana. You _can _love." I took her by her shoulders, and she did not resist - her shoulders were limp from a fatigue created from self-loathing.

"I cannot love _women_," Miranda corrected and I froze, unable to confront the truth I always knew that separated us - kept me imprisoned in a clear box where I was only allowed to gaze at her, but never able to break the surface of the glass which walled her indefinitely from me.

Miranda's eye scanned my face for what I was feeling, but I only felt emptiness. I felt as if I had become weightless and was watching the scene unfold through another's eyes. I didn't say anything.

"You've got to understand, Shepard," she said, and pulled herself away from my limp hold on her. I let my arms drop to my sides like dead-weights and listened to her. There was nothing else I could do. "This idealization of perfection my father has tried so hard to instill in me has affected me more than you think. I'm… it's… hard to explain," she said, with her brow knitted in concentration. She touched a hand to her forehead and sighed. "Please, don't love me, Shepard. I'm not who you really think I am. I'm not so easy to love."

I become infuriated at her ignorant statement. After everything I have done for her and after firmly believing she had changed for the better after saving her sister Oriana, she spouts off again about this unachievable perfection she has been hopelessly trying to reach. "You're crazy father is the one who wanted perfection from you. You don't answer to him anymore. Besides, didn't you say so yourself that nobody's perfect? And that you're human? You make mistakes just like everyone else." I raised my voice at her despite telling myself not to. I couldn't help it. The only thing standing between me and Miranda was her impossible ideals.

Miranda didn't speak, but I saw doubt in her eyes which fogged her usually bright blue irises.

"Or is it because of something else that's stopping you?" I am tired, but I continued to speak. I felt it was worth it to try and dig through the complexities of the woman in front of me.

"Shepard, why do you even care so much for me?" She looked at me with the utmost bewilderment etched on her features. I noticed her posture and it was no longer in her usual closed-off posture of crossed arms. She looked fragile, more human than I ever saw her be.

"Miranda." I stopped, and tried to find the right words to properly convey my feelings for the Cerberus officer. "Where do I begin?" I sighed and looked up at the vents placed in the Normandy's ceiling above us. I searched again for the moment when I first realized I had come to care for Miranda and it did not take long for me to find the answer. "I opened my eyes after two years and heard a voice, _your_ voice," I said, a silly grin on my face. I couldn't help myself. The memory of looking up and seeing Miranda softly smiling down at me always brought the same intensity of butterflies to my stomach as if it was happening time and time again. I continued to smile dopily, but I did not care - now was not the time to be embarrassed for feeling what I could not deny any longer. "And what do you know? I see the most beautiful woman in all the galaxies staring down at me, and for the first time in a long time, a quiet calm soothed my entire body. Those fleeting seconds when your face appeared before me changed my entire world. Who was this mysterious woman with the bluest, most vibrant eyes I had ever seen gazing curiously down at me, a ghost of a smile playing at the edges of her lips? I fell asleep again with those unanswered questions repeating over and over again in my head like a broken record until I was awakened by your voice once more." I stopped and took a breath. I had went on a ranting monologue on how I first became enamored with Miranda, but the words did not do my feelings justice. The intensity of the moment could not be captured through mere words - I only hoped Miranda could grasp just a fraction of how passionately I felt for her.

My eyes hesitantly looked at her face and I saw it maintained a light shade of red from my flattering words. She placed a hand to her lips and looked to be pondering about something quite deeply. Breathing became something very difficult to do as I awaited in unbearable anticipation for her response.

"Shepard," she said in a soft whisper in that addicting accent of hers. "I spent two years of my life making it my sole duty to bring you back to life. I watched you sleep while I studied all there was to know about you for many days and countless sleepless nights. Everything about you, I had to know. I learned all your faults, your personality, everything…" she paused and looked away from me. When she returned her gaze to my face, I saw her eyes trace the fading scars on my cheeks and a powerful nostalgia overtook her. "I saw you when you were nothing but burnt muscle and tissue," she looked nauseous at the memory and so did I. I couldn't imagine myself in such a terrible condition. "You took over my life and maybe… maybe I did grow fond of you during those two years - it was inevitable. I started to care for you when I learned how you lost your family on Mindoir and how you then lost your whole squad to a Thresher Maw, how you were the only one who survived. I admired your undying strength and courage even after all life threw at you - it made my problems look silly compared to yours. I admit," she whispered, "I envied your fire and how you could easily persuade others to follow you to hell and back. I envied you, but I also idolized you for I could never obtain the greatness you have achieved - I was given it to me while you earned yours." Miranda nervously scratched at her collar bone as she continued. "I do care for you, Shepard, but I am afraid of what it means." She looked apprehensively towards me and I could see she was holding back.

I approached her and boldly wrapped my arms around her. I felt her stiffen under my embrace, but her muscles soon relaxed in my arms. She hesitantly hugged me back and we reveled in each other's warmth not saying a word, afraid if we did, we would tarnish the moment. "Miri," I whispered lovingly in her ear and I felt her chest rise from a sharp intake of breath. She began to tremble in my arms and I held her tighter.

Joker's voice interrupted the intimate moment and I cursed his timing. Joker, I'll find something to nag you about for ruining this for me, I thought. "Commander, we have arrived at Illium," his familiar voice informed me. Miranda and I parted and nervously looked away from each other.

"You should go, Shepard," she said, her voice tinged with amusement. She looked at me with smiling eyes and I felt a smile tug at my own lips.

"I should go," I repeated and we stared at each other for another lingering moment before I walked out of her office.


	4. Chapter 4

I walked towards Joker and heard him speaking to EDI. It seemed as though they were arguing again, not in a malicious manner, but in the way old married couples do when they have become acclimatized with one another, but still love each other despite the surface pettiness.

"It's just some grease stains EDI, they can be easily wiped off," Joker said. "Besides, I think it adds some homely touches," he added, his tone always bringing a shade of humor to the serious hum of the Normandy.

"I wouldn't call interfering with the camera interfaces homely touches, Mr. Moreau," EDI's deadpan voice responded, and I tried not to chuckle at the conversation I was overhearing.

"Oh, hey Commander," Joker greeted me when he heard my footsteps approach his chair. He spun himself around on his leather chair and I couldn't help but smile at him - Joker never failed to bring light-hearted humor into my strenuous life no matter what the situation was. "I was just explaining to EDI what sort of refined touches make a cockpit a man's own personal man-cave."

"Grease stains on my security cameras are far from refined, Mr. Moreau," EDI commented and Joker looked towards the globe-shaped AI.

"I'm just trying to put some familiar touches to the new Normandy. Even though this new ship is awesome and all, it still is missing certain things I'm used to," Joker explained, with that seemingly permanent smirk on his lips.

"It's true," I said, "Joker did like to keep his workspace personalization greasy to his own liking." I looked at him with humor shining in my eyes and he nodded and smiled.

"See, even the Commander knows me well enough to know I like to keep things around me with just the right amount of greasiness," he joked and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Sorry Commander, EDI and I are just joking with each other as usual," Joker said as he turned his attention back towards me."

"It seems you and EDI are beginning to really bond," I pointed out.

"Well, if you call pestering each other every five minutes bonding, then yeah we're getting along like two quarians in a linked enviro-suit," Joker said and I shook my head at the reference. "Anyways, I hope I wasn't interrupting anything Commander when I announced our arrival," Joker said suggestively and I flinched uncomfortable from his tone of voice.

"Of course not, Joker," I quickly replied, and he smiled knowingly.

"It appears you and Ms. Lawson have become significantly closer in the past few days," EDI spouted out suddenly and caught me off guard with her statement.

Joker hid a stifled chuckle with his hand and I shot a glance in his direction. He stopped any signs of laughter immediately.

"Yes, we've come to understand one another more. I find it important to get to know my fellow crewmembers well. After all, I will have to depend on them significantly for this mission," I stated curtly.

"I would hate to be in your shoes, Commander," Joker butted in. "Because then I would dread 'getting to know' Grunt more," he teased, and tried his hardest not to burst out laughing.

"Joker," I growled, and he raised his hands up in defense. "What? I can't blame you Commander. Miranda is pretty hard to ignore."

"Joker," I repeated exasperatedly.

"According to my scanners, it seems whenever you and Ms. Lawson are in the same room your body heats and nervous systems go into overdrive," EDI added, and I put a palm to my face and decided that was my cue to leave. As I walked the length of the bridge in embarrassment, I could clearly hear Joker laughing uproariously from EDI's statement. Even when I had reached the elevator, Joker's laughing never faltered. Not until the elevator doors had sealed themselves shut, Joker's raucous laughing was finally gone. I sighed exasperatedly and massaged my throbbing temples.

Illium, such a glamorous world - a refreshing sight compared to all the barren planets we've visited. The hustle and bustle which greeted us reminded me of Omega, just without the gangs and Vorcha baring their teeth at you as you walked by. As I gazed out at the atmosphere, there appeared to be a permanent shade of blue highlighting the world's features due to the hordes of asari cast out in a swarm around us. Everywhere my eyes touched upon, different hues of dark blue, light blue, and even purplish blue swam before my vision. I took in all the beauty of the asari and the world itself and allowed my muscles to relax knowing there was a moment of respite before we once again entered the never ending chaos of combat.

Miranda and Kasumi had come along with me on this particular trip, with Miranda sticking closer by my side than she usually did. I wondered if it was a sign that she was growing fond of me. I felt Kasumi's shaded eyes smiling upon us as she followed close behind and could almost see the familiar smirk donned on her painted lips.

Naturally, the first destination I wanted to visit was Liara's office. I heard she was now working as an information broker on Illium. I would be lying if I said I was not anticipating meeting Liara after so much had happened. I wondered if she still remembered our, albeit brief, but powerful connection two years ago. As my mind mulled on Liara, I started to feel guilty for trying to push away the memories I had with her. My heart ached as I pondered briefly over what could have been between the two of us had I survived the destruction of the Normandy. Would I still be with her?

Miranda stared at me as we stood at the bottom of the stairs leading to Liara's office as Kasumi leaned against a wall - her hidden eyes analyzing me also.

"You ready, Shepard?" Miranda asked me, and I nodded after finding strength through her concerned eyes.

The doors to the office whooshed open and my eyes fell on Liara in an instant. She was threatening someone who owed her money - quite out of character for the timid Liara whose only concern two years ago were the Protheans. When she realized I had stepped into her office, she abruptly turned around in utter shock. There were dark circles under her eyes signifying the countless nights of lost sleep - the symbolization of how absorbed she was in her line of work. To my surprise, Liara rushed over to me and kissed me fiercely but briefly. I couldn't find it in my heart to stop her. Miranda watched the two of us reunite, but all the while, I wanted to tell Miranda that the kiss did not make me feel the same way I did two years ago. I felt a sadness growing inside me from the faded connection I had with Liara. How do people fall out of love with one another? I never thought I would be one of those people.

When we parted, my eyes instantly fell on Miranda and I spotted a tinge of pain lingering on her face as her eyes locked onto mine for a few seconds.

Liara led me to her desk and I sat before her, waiting for her to speak first.

"What can I help you with Commander?" Her lack of emotion returned and I missed the old Liara intensely as I looked into those tired eyes.

"I need help finding a justicar and an assassin," I stated and Liara looked at me in silence. I wondered what was going through her mind as she gazed at me - her eyes were flat and gave me little indication. Although, a faint hum of melancholy emanated from deep within her - I felt it vibrate my heart, but I could not be entirely sure for Liara held back all else.

Liara did her job well as an information broker and she offered me useful information for finding my new recruits, but as I watched her and listened to her speak in her dead monotone manner, I longed to see a trace of the old sweet and fragile asari I once knew. Before I could get started finding my new squad mates, I offered to help Liara uncover the Shadow Broker's agent known simply as the Observer in hopes of maybe relieving her from the burden that was clearly haunting her.

When we left Liara to leave her to her work while we went off on a hunt for the Observer, Miranda lightly and swiftly tapped me on my shoulder. I turned to her and saw a look of apprehension flash on her face and I raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

"What is it, Miranda?" I inquired and her eyes flickered to Kasumi who was following close behind us. Kasumi pretended not to be paying attention to the two of us and looked at her hands, but knowing Kasumi, she couldn't pass up on "overhearing" a juicy conversation.

"Shepard," Miranda said very softly. "Are you okay?" I was surprised at her concern for me. I assumed she would be worried about something else entirely.

"I'm fine, Miranda," I said, nonchalantly. "Why do you ask?"

She looked apprehensive while she wrung her hands, searching for words to convey what she felt. "You just seem a little sad," she whispered.

I was surprised at her intuition for I don't believe I showed even the slightest emotion. I was rendered speechless at Miranda's observation or maybe she just simply knew without having physical evidence to tip her off.

I mustered a smile at her although a storm was brewing tumultuously in my mind and in my heart. "I'm okay, Miranda. Don't worry," I forced myself to say - I refused to let Miranda worry about me. My past was not hers for her to share in the burden.

She stared at me unsurely for some time, obviously not believing me, but she knew I would never admit what I was truly feeling. "If you say so, Shepard, then I believe you."

I smiled again and patted her on the shoulder, the first personal touch I offered to her since that time we embraced on the Normandy. She knew I meant so much more from my simple touch than I let on. "Thank you for your concern, Miranda, but please don't worry about me."

Her eyes bore sympathy for me and my heart pained to see her in such a state of unnecessary state of worry. We stood silently facing each other until we both realized Kasumi was waiting for us to move forward. We awkwardly took our eyes off each other as I coughed nervously while Miranda rubbed her shoulder.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Kasumi smiling at the two of us and I ushered my team onwards towards what was going to be a busy time on Illium.

After completing every recruitment mission we needed to get accomplished on Illium, I knew I would eventually reach a point where I would have to give Liara information on the Shadow Broker's whereabouts. True, I could have just decided not to even ever mention the intel, but knowing myself, I couldn't live with the guilt of forever knowing Liara's obsessive hunt would endlessly continue probably until the day she expired - Liara can be stubbornly determined.

Liara's face lit up for the first time at the nugget of golden information when I handed it to her across her desk. Hesitantly, Liara informed me it was all because of her I was handed over to Cerberus after she had recovered my body. My feelings of gratitude towards Miranda granting me a second chance at life became shared with another occupant. Such irony, it was Liara who had brought me to Miranda. A jarring vibration rang through me from such a revelation. The twisted love triangle I had accidentally found myself stumbling into became even more complicated. I wondered if Liara had any idea her good intentions started the chain of events that would lead me to Miranda. I squirmed noticeably in my seat from the waves of guilt coursing within me.

"Shepard, something the matter?" Liara's low and tantalizingly husky voice asked me.

My lips tightened and for a second, I wanted to confess how so much had changed, but personal matters had no place at such a time. Instead, all I could do was console her in her decision for bringing me to Cerberus when in truth, I found it a blessing for it brought Miranda into my life. Liara's eyes observed me and I took in her delicate features. Briefly, I felt a nostalgic feeling of adoration overcome me. I realized I still cared for Liara - there was no denying it - but I simply could not love her the same way as I had before. Too much had changed.

During the excursion to the Shadow Broker's lair, many moments of awkward intimacy caught up with us and I began to realize Liara knew all too well about Miranda and my growing connection with her. She confronted me about my feelings when we found a moment to spare.

Liara was angry with me. "I know what goes on, Shepard. In case you forgot, I am an information broker, a very good one." She spoke in an angry tone, but I knew sadness was the real cause of her anger. I could see it in her eyes no matter how hard she tried to shield herself from it. I said nothing, and Liara took my silence as the only answer she needed.

Finally, after many trials and tribulations, the Shadow Broker was defeated, and what do you know, Liara became the new Shadow Broker. If I was told that the Liara back on the first mission hunting for Saren with me was going to become some badass Shadow Broker in two years, I would have spaced the fool for telling me so, but it had become fact whether I can still believe it or not.

Liara promised me she'd use the vast well of underground knowledge to aid me in my battle against the Reapers and I was grateful for her offer. Before I left, Liara pointed out a terminal where dossiers of my squad mates and associates could be accessed, and my curiosity was piqued. Walking over to the terminal, I felt a slight discomfort from invading into personal files of people who trusted me, but I justified it as part of my job as Commander.

The first name to pop up was Miranda's and my heart stopped. I stared at the name for some time, but decided to leave it alone, at least for the moment. I perused the rest and laughed, laughed hard, and then grew serious, and even cried at some. I shook my head at Grunt's childish interests, sympathized with Jack's anger, felt my heart break for Garrus' decision to keep silent about his sister, Legion's made me laugh the hardest, Tali had just become even more adorable to me, I smiled at Mordin's, Thane's letter to his wife made me very sad, but I couldn't help but laugh at his Krogan method of assassination, Zaeed's was kind of sad because of his consideration of suicide being a good alternative for a retirement plan, Kasumi's obsession with Jacob was even more intense than I thought, Jacob's was typically how I thought it would be, Samara's surprised me and broke my heart at the loss of her daughters, the Illusive Man's was just disturbing because of how many times the man had sex in a week, and Anderson's just felt very heavy with a burden.

My eyes were burning by the time I got through the rest and all that was left was Miranda's. I stared at the file and was tempted to open it, but felt if I did, I might cross an irreparable line in our relationship. Reading the other files didn't come so hard to me because our relationships were platonic at best, but Miranda - Miranda was different. I contemplated and bit my lips as my hands itched to access her file. Without thinking, I opened it up and my eyes became glued to the words on the screen.

Huh? Miranda registered onto a dating extranet site. I was surprised Miranda would ever participate in such a thing, but I read on and looked at the different conversations she engaged in. In the first text chat she responded with only one word answers and showed no sings of interest in getting to know the individual. All business, yeah, that sounded like Miranda. She asked for their medical exam results (strange) and I became insatiably curious. The rest of the men would start with a silly sentence and Miranda would only give them one chance to impress her before she'd disconnect their conversation. She'd be curt and straight to the point, and anyone who wasn't the same would be ignored. My heart was beating fast as I read on and began to see a pattern. Miranda seemed disinterred in forming in any relationships and appeared to be searching for… something. It was strange. Was she lonely? Trying to connect with another human being, but was unable to? Or was it for other reasons entirely unknown? I could only guess. As I scrolled through the files, I stumbled onto a conversation with her and her sister, Oriana. I smiled at the loving conversation between the two sisters. It seemed Miranda had a soft side after all and I wished she would show more of this side because then everyone else would be able to see the reason why I found myself falling for the supposed ice queen. But then, a message rendered me breathless. From Illium Medical Center, they provided Miranda information of being… infertile. A lump appeared in my throat as I read the devastating news and I backed away slowly from the terminal. I suddenly felt tired and wanted to leave.

My thoughts were still clouded with information I shouldn't really had no right to know about my squad mates as I boarded the Normandy. I looked at them in different lights when I passed by them and wished I never snooped into their personal businesses, but I did come out with a better understanding of all of them because of it - making me see all of them more as comrades than simply necessary recruitments. But Miranda's… left me in a state of empathy - it explained so much.

Walking in a state of stupor, I didn't even notice Miranda standing outside my room, waiting patiently for me. I instantly froze in place and she smiled at me. I must have looked like an idiot just standing there staring stupidly at her and not saying a word. Her smile faded as she saw the look of distress riddling my face. I looked at her and wondered if she was always haunted by her infertility and hid it through a fiery determination and her icy and aloof exterior.

"Shepard, you okay?" Her eyebrows rose as she observed my uncomfortable ticks. "I'm sorry if this is a bad time, but I just wanted to talk to you."

"I'm fine, Miranda." My voice shook a bit, and my eyes flickered to her eyes where worry was prevalent in them. "And it's okay. I'm not busy."

"Did something happen back at the Shadow Broker's ship?" Her voice was filled with suspicion, possibly more about Liara than anything else.

"Nothing happened," I answered. I gulped and rubbed at my arms. She approached closer to me and I saw those eyes up close, hiding pains I never knew existed behind such a beautifully blue color.

I caught a whiff of her familiar aroma of clean and crisp freshness and it intoxicated all my senses. I tried not to show the newfound sympathy I bore for her, afraid she'd hate me for intruding in her personal files.

"Can we talk in your room?" she suddenly said. I paused and blinked dumbly. Her eyes and face gave me no hints of what she was feeling. I obliged and lead the way in.

Miranda looked around with one hand placed on her hip and I stared at her aesthetically pleasing figure. My throat felt dry up to a point where even the water bubbling in the aquarium looked good enough to drink.

"Thirsty?" I asked Miranda in my cracked voice, and she laughed.

"No, but it appears you are," she said in a light-hearted tone. She walked over to me as I poured myself a glass of much-needed red wine.

"Are you sure you don't want any?" I asked her once more.

She stood behind me and I felt her body heat radiate close to me. I took a large gulp of my wine and I felt the burning liquid settle comfortably in my lower abdomen where the fire already burning there was stoked further by the alcohol.

"Sure, Shepard, if you insist," she said softly and I poured her one also. I handed it to her and our fingers grazed over each other briefly. My eyes grew glassy from both the combination of the wine and the growing sorrow I started to feel break free from within me.

"I just want you to know, Miranda…" I trailed off. I became lost in her eyes as they gazed at me. Miranda seemed focused as she drank her wine, but very briefly, her eyes grew distant.

"Yes, Shepard?" her voice was soft and made me drowsy from how soothing it sounded in the dimly lit room.

"I just want you to know, if you ever need anyone to just talk to you can always come to me. Anytime, just come to me." I waited and gauged her response by the expression on her face, but she showed me none. Eventually, she cracked an appreciative smile and I wondered what she was just thinking about.

"Thank you, Shepard. That means a lot to me," Miranda whispered. She was clutching herself while holding onto the empty glass - I hadn't realized she finished her wine so quickly. Her cheeks were slightly flushed as she stared distantly at my aquarium. "I wish my room had an aquarium," she mused.

She was smiling, but her eyes reflected a faint sadness. A yearning to read her mind struck me hard as I struggled to break through the defenses Miranda always stubbornly kept up.

"Miranda," I whispered, and her focus shifted back to me. The sadness in her eyes had become even more clear. Her deep blue irises were dulled by a veil of pain she was holding deep within her. I wished for her to share it with me so I could relieve some of the grief I knew haunted her every waking moment.

"You're perfect," I stated simply, and her eyes lit up with surprise.

"Wha-" she started, but I kept on speaking.

"It doesn't matter whether you were _engineered_ to be perfect. I will always see you as _my_ perfect ideal… no matter what," I added.

Her mouth hung open in surprise and I stepped closer to her after putting my empty glass down and taking hers to do the same. I took her hands in mine and kissed the top of her left hand briefly. "Please, don't worry so much, Miranda," I said and smiled.

Miranda still looked stunned as I wrapped her into a hug. She was stiff again like the first time I held her in my arms, but she eventually let herself relax. I felt her arms hug me back and I relished the feeling of bliss making my head dizzy with endorphins. That night, we had fallen asleep in my bed - half-drunk from wine. I hugged Miranda close to me the entire night and calmed her when she stirred in her sleep.

Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep myself and dreamed of burdens I always kept suppressed during my waking hours.

I wanted more than anything to be the heroine everyone expected; _wanted_ me to be. I struggled with the loss I have seen and grasped in vain at the ones with hands outreached in desperation. I reached back, but sometimes I was incapable of holding onto their hands before they slipped into a darkness I could not enter and save them from. Sometimes, the burden became too heavy to carry on my own, but I could not share the painful responsibilities with Miranda or any other of my squad mates. I contemplated the words I couldn't speak aloud in my head as Miranda laid asleep beside me. Never had I encountered a more complex woman. Built for perfection, but missing a vital piece of being a woman, but she was no less of a woman to me for it. How many sleepless nights had it created for her? If only I could say what I really wanted to say. I wanted to tell her that the inability to have kids meant nothing and that the perfection she always seemed to be relentlessly seeking had already been found - she was already and always will be perfect to me.

I awoke to the stillness of my room where only the sound of the bubbling water in the aquarium broke the silence. Miranda laid beside me, still asleep. I watched her eyelids flutter as she slept, dreaming of a far-off universe uniquely, beautifully her own and I longed to enter her world, but knew better than to intrude in such intimate thoughts. I let my fingers graze her soft cheeks lightly and tried not to disturb her peaceful sleep. Her hands were curled in loose fists on my chest and I smiled as I watched her chest rise and fall, making me drowsy with the hypnotic movement in diluted lighting.

The aquarium cast a blue glow throughout my room and I saw the shadows of swimming fishes of various sizes float across my room, like something out of a dream. My vision blurred as I fought the battle of sleep weighing heavy on my eyelids.

"Still awake?" Miranda's drowsy voice broke through the darkness and silence. I looked down at her half-lit face where the blue glow of the aquarium made her cerulean eyes shine more intensely than I had ever seen them.

"Couldn't sleep," I responded, trying to catch my breath from such a beautiful sight. Thankfully, it was dark enough to hide the blush I started to feel creep onto my cheeks. She wriggled closer to me and I felt her thighs graze against my hip. My muscles tensed as I refrained myself from sighing in bliss. I was afraid to breath, fearful of moving and waking myself up from what felt like an illusion. She clawed lightly at my sweater and I did not wake, confirming that I was not dreaming, but really was content in my own reality.

"Thank you for being here with me, Miranda," I whispered in the darkness, and shivered from the sensation of Miranda clawing at my sweater like a needy child. She played with the zipper and tugged it up and down.

"I never would have thought I'd ever feel this way during such a crazy time," Miranda said, sadly. She nuzzled her face into the crook of my neck and her warm breath tickled the right side of my throat.

I gulped loudly and she chuckled. Her lips grazed my skin and I trembled. She started sucking on the sensitive flesh as she whispered against my neck, "I think I may be falling for you, Commander. Congratulations, you seem to be close to achieving what I thought was impossible."

I turned to her and smiled. "Oh really? What do I get as a reward?"

Miranda chuckled wryly again and said, "Not yet, Commander. Patience. Trust me, you won't regret the wait." She winked at me and I squirmed impatiently.

"Talk about torture," I pouted, and Miranda smiled sympathetically. She pulled my face closer to hers to press her lips against mine. I melted in her kiss and tasted a sweetness on her lips. She forced my mouth open by licking my lower lip and I quickly allowed her access. She pulled me closer to her and we pressed our bodies as humanly close to each other as possible. I felt her body grinding against mine and I released my mouth from hers to gasp at the wonderfully warm sensations it sent to my lower regions.

Miranda was panting, breathless, and I felt her cheeks burning with desire. I placed my lips back onto her mouth and kissed her deeply. I ran my hands through her full head of hair and took a handful of hair to envelop in my palm to tug on it lightly. She moaned in my mouth and I nearly climaxed from the sound. It was the first time I heard her make such an arousing noise, and every time she did, it never lost its charm. I moved my head downwards to place a trail of kisses to the base of her neck which caused Miranda's breaths to come out in short and rapid bursts. I sucked at the spot where she appeared to be most sensitive and she moaned again and arched her body against mine. I felt her thigh making its way to my center where it pressed hard against me. I suppressed a moan from escaping my throat, but Miranda was hellbent on hearing me become vocal so she rubbed her thigh even harder against my core, and I had no choice but to let out a loud moan against her neck. I brought my face up to kiss her once more, tasting an addictive flavor I knew I would never get enough of. My fingers snaked downwards in between her thighs, but suddenly Miranda pressed a hand to my chest to stop me. I looked into her eyes and saw hesitation, the same hesitation I saw in her eyes before she spoke to her sister for the first time. I understood what it meant and didn't fight it.

"I'm sorry, Shepard, but not yet. No matter how much I want to, I'm not quite ready to reach that level of our relationship. It feels… too soon," She admitted, despite the lust shining in her eyes.

I nodded my head in agreement and smiled at her. I pulled a stray hair from her eyes and tugged it behind her ear. She took my hand and kissed my palm and whispered, "It doesn't mean I don't care for you very much, Shepard. In fact, it means I care a great deal for you."

I stared into her eyes and moved in to kiss her forehead and said, "I will wait for as long as you need, Miranda. I'm more than content just having you beside me - a dream I wished to come true, and it seems it has."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I sincerely apologize for the awfully long wait for the few of you who may have been anticipating the next chapter. It seems I had fallen into a bad funk and found it difficult to continue writing. But enough about me, I really hope you all enjoy the chapter. **

Garrus looked at me with a presence of bubbling humor exuding from his body. After some time of his persistent staring, I looked up at him, and asked, "What is it, Garrus?"

Garrus turned towards Grunt who sat beside him and they both had growing smirks on their faces. The Kodiak flew through some turbulence and I felt the beginnings of a headache from the constant rocking. I looked at Grunt and Garrus with puzzlement on my face as their smiles only widened from my bewilderment.

Garrus sat back into his seat and said, "I saw Miranda coming down from your cabin last night."

I froze and inwardly groaned at what sort of torturous embarrassment the two guys had planned on my behalf.

Garrus continued, a vague echo of laughter masked behind his voice. "Ran into her on the elevator. Didn't even realize I was in the elevator with her - she was so lost in her own world. She had on the most wistful expression on her face." Garrus continued to speak as if he was prepping for the punch-line to a joke he'd tell at a bar. "It was the very first time I ever witnessed Miranda with a look on her face other than her trademark cold, ice queen expression," Garrus said, and looked at Grunt. The two of them suppressed an outburst of laughter. "Now tell me, Shepard," Garrus continued, now trying his hardest not to indulge into a fit of laughter. "How does one shift Ms. Lawson from an incorrigible ice queen to a melting schoolgirl in one night? Is there nothing the great Commander Shepard can't do?"

As if waiting on cue, Grunt laughed uproariously and as a result, some of his spittle hit me square on my right cheek. It was the perfect cherry to top off my humiliation. Garrus was ribbing Grunt like two frat boys as they both let out loud bouts of laughter - it echoed throughout the Kodiak and rang in my ears, worsening my growing headache.

"Trust me, it didn't take only one night," I replied, and mentally slapped myself for how wrong it sounded coming out.

Garrus and Grunt laughed even harder and I slunk low in my seat, wishing I could launch myself from the Kodiak.

After Grunt and Garrus laughed themselves out of breath, Garrus wiped a tear from his eye and said, "Aw, lighten up, Shepard." He playfully punched me on my shoulder and said, "I personally think you and Miranda make quite a formidable duo."

Grunt was compulsively fiddling with his gun, but stopped to quickly nod his head in agreement with Garrus' statement. "Just imagine the kind of destruction you two can create with Miranda's biotic power and your raw talent for kicking butt!"

Garrus chuckled at Grunt's insightful comment and they then divulged into their little world the two of them shared once more.

I was left alone with my thoughts again with the Kodiak still relentlessly rocking my body in swaying motions. I felt my equilibrium shift from beneath my feet, and I became dizzy - a bad case of vertigo. My vision blurred as my eyes attempted to focus on the gun I laid on my lap. The sight of my rifle split into two and I shook my head to try and rid myself of this onslaught of fatigue.

Garrus noticed my fidgeting and placed a firm hold on my shoulder. "Shepard?"

His voice sounded so distant, but his concerned tone could clearly be heard. I turned my gaze from the floor to him and the only thing I could clearly see of Garrus was his glowing visor - it shined like a tunnel of light. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. A black spot was centered in my vision and I tried to blink away the nuisance, but the black circle only expanded like a dusk cloud until it blinded me into a pitch darkness, engulfing me into unconsciousness.

A soft hand laid on my chest. Firm fingers pressed against my heart and there was pressure. Light, but firm pressure. My eyes burned as I made the stupid move of forcing them open, but they refused to budge. I resorted to keeping my eyes closed. A far away voice sounding like it transferred from beneath a water's surface reached my ears. Miranda? I felt sturdy arms wrap around me and lift me onto a cold, but soft surface. The disembodied voice echoed around me once more and I could smell a distinct scent amongst the air encircling me. The scent, so familiar, like the pleasant aroma of the breeze traveling amongst fruit trees. Miranda.

I heard her speaking to Dr. Chakwas. Her voice sounded so far away and I could not stand the feeling of having distance between us. I strained my ears to makes sense of what sounded like only garbled white noise. Only two words I heard clearly: Worried and sick. The voice, Miranda's voice, then seemed to float away from me once more and I was left alone in a world of silence. My body refused to stay conscious and I slipped back into darkness.

The unique and pleasant scent which could only belong to Miranda woke me up a second time - like my own personal antidote. This time, I could crack my eyes open slightly and through narrow slits, I saw her sitting beside me with her head resting on one palm of her hand. Through my limited vision, I could barely make out that she had her eyes shut. She was asleep. I tried to lift my arms, but they felt like dead weights. It took every ounce of my strength to move my arm from my side to place onto her lap. I saw her eyes open in surprise, looking at me only for a moment before I slipped back into unconsciousness.

A dream or a vision - it felt so real - played inside my mind as I was transported to the land of sub-consciousness. There, I saw Miranda hovering atop my lifeless body. She had a heart-breaking expression of anguish on her face. There was a tragically captivating brilliance to the combination of her beauty and the pain etched on her face. Tears were overflowing in her deep-blue eyes. Her eyes sparkled so brilliantly, but the unfiltered sadness marred the beauty staring down at me.

"Shepard," Miranda cried, and I felt her hand caress my cheek. I saw her pull back her hand from the coldness of my skin and she wrung her wrists together as the tears poured forth from her eyes and fell atop my face. I tried to move, to move closer to Miranda, but no matter how hard I tried, my body could not become reanimated. Why?

Miranda placed her hands over her face and was now sobbing uncontrollably. Why was Miranda crying? I'm right here.

Her tears never ceased as she grabbed a white cloth to lay atop my body, but she did not stop at my chest. No, she covered the cloth over my face. She vanished from behind the cloth like a curtain closing over a scene. I could still hear her sobs but I was helpless to do anything to comfort her and it hurt me to a degree I never thought possible for a human to feel. I was left to only stare at a blinding whiteness. The blanket seemed to squeeze around me and suffocate me in a vice-like grip - encasing me in a coffin I could not escape from.

"Stop!" I cried out, but my lungs did not hold air in them, they were filled with dirt and I choked on the grainy, mineral taste of the soil. I shouted, but only silence came out and I felt like I was drowning.

"Shepard!" Miranda's voice called out to me. I felt frantic hands roam atop my entire upper body, trying to hold me down. My body wracked as I flopped around like an incapacitated fish out of water. I was kicking and didn't even realize I had inflicted harm upon Miranda as I lost control of my body.

"It's okay! Shepard! Calm down!" Miranda helplessly cried as her arms pinned my flopping body back down onto the bed.

My eyes tore open and my sight was subdued from the tears filled up inside them. I was crying. I brought fingers to my cheeks and felt the wet streams streaking down my face. I felt a warmth spread throughout my body. Soft but sturdy arms held me.

Miranda had me in tight hug to keep me from moving around like a madwoman. I turned my head towards her and buried my face into her hair. I reciprocated her hug with great force and held onto her for dear life.

"Shepard," she whispered tiredly into my ear. Tears kept falling from my eyes as I hugged her body close to me.

"I'm sorry," I croaked out, my voice broken from all the screaming I had done.

"I thought you would never wake," Miranda said. "I was so worried about you."

I couldn't shake the nightmare from my thoughts - it's residual vividness left me quaking. I truly believed death had taken me, but it hadn't. "What happened to me?"

Miranda looked at me with her thoughtful eyes and they roamed over my features. She caressed my hair and sadly smiled when she sifted through her memories. "Garrus and Grunt brought you back to the Normandy when you suddenly collapsed in the Kodiak. It seems you depleted too much of your energy. You broke down from exhaustion, stress." Her voice sounded strained as she spoke. She looked at me with her eyes full of concern. "You hadn't been taking care of yourself enough. You do too much, Shepard and…" her voice trailed off. "I feel like it's partly my fault for not watching you enough and for putting too much on you too fast."

I kissed her lightly over her right eyelid and I felt her lashes flutter and tickle my skin. "Don't blame yourself, Miri. If anything, you gave me strength to last as long as I did."

She smiled slightly from my words, but I could tell she wasn't entirely convinced. I cupped her chin, kissed her once on the lips and pressed our foreheads together. I breathed in her scent and reveled in her company in the comforting silence save for the hum of the Normandy.

Miranda placed her head atop my chest. "I've been worried sick about you," Miranda said and mindlessly fiddled with the zipper on my sweater as I processed everything that had happened to me. I watched as Miranda played with my zipper and could not bear such an endearing sight. She could be like such a child sometimes. She would at times become lost in her own world with her penchant for daydreaming - a characteristic I never would have thought Miranda to possess.

I breathed in deeply and felt the cool air inflate my lungs and awaken my dulled senses. I was _alive_. It felt wonderful. I wrapped an arm around Miranda's waist and inclined her face up towards me. Her tired eyes lit up in surprise as I placed another small, but firm kiss upon her supple lips.

"Thank you, Miranda, for everything," I said with my weak voice. My dried lips grazed against her perfectly soft ones as I mumbled the words against her mouth.

Miranda's eyes softened and she reciprocated the kiss with equal force. I tasted the lingering flavor of Miranda's favorite fruit laced all over her tongue. Peaches. I tugged at her tongue hungrily with my lips to indulge in the delicious sweet taste, but she pulled away and there was a small smile on her lips when she parted from me - wiping away all previous signs of exhaustion from her face.

"Have to make sure you're really okay first, Shepard," she stated as she pushed a stray strand of her dark hair behind her ear.

I returned her smile and said, "I promise that I am."

Miranda breathily chuckled and it brought butterflies to my stomach. "It will only take a couple of minutes." She let her hand linger on my chest a while longer before she went to retrieve the medical equipment. My eyes followed her as she gracefully moved across the room and I felt a happiness well up inside me. For a moment, I was carefree, and it made me feel invincible. Happy.

"We thought you clocked out on us for good for a moment there," Garrus said, his voice tinged with humor as soon as I entered the meeting room packed with all my crewmates. Miranda stood at the fore-front of the group, with her arms crossed over her chest - the same indignant posture she held the first time I engaged her in conversation. She looked indifferent as usual before she realized my presence in the room. Her eyes lit up with a light only I was able to see from where I was standing when our eyes met amongst the pack of people. I let a smile spread across my face when I stood in front of my crew. My little incident had shook them and deteriorated their resolve to follow my leadership through the Omega Relay. Even if they would never say it aloud, I saw it on their faces. They had become wary of my strength, my ability to lead, but I would prove to them I would get this mission done and give it my all to bring them back home safely. At least, that was what I had promised myself long before I even grew close to each one. Now, the pressure was even worse after becoming quite close to each one.

"Shepard wouldn't let a little fatigue stop her from kicking some Collector tail," Tali's distinct voice rang from the other side of the table when she had noticed the apprehension riddled on everyone's faces.

"Thanks, Tali," I gratefully said, and walked up to the front of the meeting table. I gave her a little nod of my head and she returned it through her anonymous but familiarly comforting mask. Everyone took their positions around the edges of the desk as if on cue, and I surveyed each of their faces with a fondness I didn't think I would ever harbor towards people who were once strangers. At times, even I was astounded at their unfaltering loyalty to me.

My eyes eventually fell on Miranda who stood stoically to my right - always the serious second-in-command when it came down to business with the Collectors. She would occasionally throw some meaningful glances my way and I felt myself blush whenever my eyes would connect with hers. Around Miranda, I turned back into a tittering schoolgirl and scared me to know somebody could have such a weakening affect on me.

I stood before my crew and cleared my throat. Everyone turned their attention to me. "I apologize for delaying our mission into the Omega 4 Relay due my recent state of fatigue. I'm sure you all have been just _dying_ to start our venture through the Omega 4 where, I might add, many ships have attempted to pass through, but never returned," I joked, but nobody seemed to have caught on to my dry sense of humor, especially Jack.

"Yeah, right," Jack scoffed, and folded her arms across her bony chest. "I've really been enjoying the down time of staring at the engine room's walls. Come on, when are we going to kill some fucking Collectors already?" She had revved up her raw biotic power and the blue aura was swarming around her like a lit flame. Grunt who was standing by her gazed at the layer of power humming around her with a childlike curiosity.

Miranda shot an icy stare at Jack's direction, peeved at her disruptive behavior, and Jack returned the glare with equal intensity.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Jack said and exaggeratedly stuck out her bottom lip. "Did I make your little pom-pom Cerberus cheerleader mad?" Jack then egged Miranda on by badly imitating a cheerleader waving her pom-poms. I could see Miranda trying her best to retain her composure as Jack waved her invisible pom-poms around for another good ten seconds. Grunt seemed to enjoy the outrageous display of behavior and chuckled in that monotone manner of his - like the rat-tat-tat of a Tommy gun.

Miranda's right eyebrow twitched at Jack's outlandish behavior while Jack continued to imitate Miranda by batting her eyelashes and swaggering back and forth the length of the table. Miranda's fists were balled against her arms as she kept them crossed across her chest in a tense posture.

"Now children," Samara's calming voice intercepted. "Let us all settle down and listen to what Commander Shepard has to say."

"Children? The fuck…" Jack mumbled, and stopped her shenanigans. Jack didn't say anything further, knowing Samara was someone whom one wouldn't want to anger.

I spotted Garrus shaking his head at the scene and Grunt was still chuckling at everything. Thane had his arms behind him and never seemed bothered by anything, he was probably meditating. - I wish I had his skill to escape at a drop of a hat.

"Please continue, Shepard," Tali spoke, and I smiled at her reassurance.

"Ass kisser," Jack mumbled under her breath and I saw Tali's eyes glower from behind violet helmet. Standing beside her was Kasumi and she was trying her best to calm her down.

"Ugh, this crew's a bloody mess," I heard Zaeed's gravelly voice say from the back of the room.

Miranda was fidgeting in place and appeared perturbed at the crew's lack of respect they were displaying. Miranda's chest rose from breathing in a deep breath of air, but she didn't say anything to add fuel to the unnecessary fire.

"Alright, alright," I firmly said to regain control of the room. "Please, just listen to what I have to say," I said, and everyone resumed their compliant dispositions - Jack did so hesitantly.

"Well as I was saying," I continued, "I know you all don't expect such weakness coming from your Commander," I paused and tried to think of the correct words to say not to make me come off like such a victim. "But I'm better now, more than better, I'm eager and ready to take on whatever the Collectors throw at us." My voice rose both in volume and intensity as I found an inner strength within me I almost forgot I had. As I let my eyes fall on each of my crew members, I garnered newfound confidence when I saw in their eyes a growing glint of respect. But it was when my eyes met with Miranda's, I felt as if I was invincible. My gaze never left hers as I finished off my speech, "So come on! Let's give the Collectors hell!" I shouted with an unfaltering resolution. Everyone cheered and Miranda's lips slowly spread into a smile. She then did something unexpected. Miranda brought her hand to the base of her forehead to offer me a firm salute and winked.

I smiled and nodded in acknowledgement at her simple, but meaningful gesture. The Normandy was on its way towards the Omega 4 Relay and there was no turning back from this point forward. Strangely, I did not feel fearful for Miranda was beside me and that was all I needed to give me the courage to keep on pressing forward even against impossible odds.

Life simply would not stop its crazy ride to let me indulge in the newfound thrill of the beginnings of what I truly believed to be love. So much kept being thrown at me, so much responsibility to burden alone in such a short amount of time, but then I would always think to myself, 'If not me, then who?'

Miranda came around when I was alone in my room. I invited her in, grateful for the company during the quiet night alone. Too much silence, made my thoughts too loud.

"I lost you again," Miranda's soothing voice broke me from my trance. She was staring at me patiently in silence as I traveled through my daydreams.

I blinked my eyes rapidly to focus them back to her face. My gaze fell on her lips and I spotted a slight bruise forming at the corner of her bottom lip.

"What happened there?" I pointed to the mark that swelled up with a red rawness. I let my fingers carefully graze over the cut, and Miranda instantly seethed from the pain.

I retracted my fingers back as if I had placed them at the end of a firing engine. "I'm sorry," I hastily apologized.

"It's okay. Just a nervous habit," she replied and licked at the red mark.

"I never pegged you as somebody to be nervous, Miri," I said.

"I am human, Shepard," Miranda said and smiled.

"You know," I started. "I never even asked you if it is okay to call you by your nickname. I mean, since the nickname came from…"

Miranda smiled softly and took my hands in hers and cradled them on her lap. "It's okay. You can definitely call me Miri," she assured me. "But don't try and change the subject." She looked me in my eyes and I knew she was trying real hard to figure me out. "What were you thinking about just now?" Her eyes held their steadfast gaze on me, and I gulped the words I wanted to say back down my throat and into the recesses of my abdomen where it burned like a poison.

I looked down at where our hands clung together on top of her lap and I wondered if the flesh and bone of her hands differed from mine. I raised her right hand to my eyes and analyzed the smooth porcelain skin before me. Her skin glowed a lovely shade of creamy ivory from the aquarium's luminance. Such beauty. I kissed the palm and tasted the saccharine sweetness of her skin. She stared at me with a focused curiosity - wondering about my odd behavior.

I sighed and said, "I was just thinking about how I don't think I would have been able to go through all of this without you by my side, Miri," I whispered against the skin of her palm.

Miranda's eyes observed me through the darkness and they shined with a fondness which always brought a pleasurable flutter in the pit of my stomach. To have someone like Miranda look at me in such a way, always seemed like a dream I never wanted to end. "It was all you, Commander," she said, and I felt a blush creep onto my cheeks upon hearing Miranda call me Commander. "You should be proud of yourself for even convincing the crew to join you. I never would have been able to do so."

"Aw, come on, who wouldn't follow you, Miri. They'd have an excellent view if they did, " I joked, and Miranda shoved me playfully.

"Well, some actually think I'm just an icy bitch with no mind of her own," Miranda said with a slight smile on her lips.

"You? No way," I responded. "They just haven't had the chance to know the real you." I nuzzled my lips against her neck. "They'd see how wonderful you really are."

I wrapped my arms around Miranda's waist and pulled her close to me. I could feel her chest rising and falling rapidly as we pressed our bodies against one another. Her heart was beating fast. The sensation of the rapid thumps against my flesh brought excited goosebumps to my arms.

Miranda's hands cradled my face and I felt the warm, comforting heat of her palms radiate across my already burning cheeks. She flashed me one of her lovely smiles before she inched in towards me for a prolonged kiss. A single tear fell down her face, but she didn't cry any more. I pressed my lips fiercely against hers and held onto her shoulders. She pushed me back down to the bed and straddled my hips. She tore her lips from mine and I tried to reach up to connect with them once more, but in vain. She pulled away teasingly every time I would feel the softness of her lips graze over mine briefly.

She firmly pushed a hand against my chest to stop me from moving forward. There was a mischievous glint in her eyes which made her strikingly irresistible.

"Meet me in the engine room," was all she said before she got up off the bed. She gave me a little wink with a playful smile tugging at her lips before she left the room.

She stood facing the engine of the Normandy. As I made my way across the walkway, I was curious as to what she was thinking about. Was she doubting I'd show up? No. She must have simply been doubting. After all, the situation in which we had come together, made our future an uncertainty. Should we have cared that we may never be able to see each other again either from the cruelty of fate or just a simple falling out? I pushed all the nagging questions to the back of my mind. What use were they to me? We might be dead tomorrow - there was no room for such impediments during a time which might've been painfully limited.

My footfalls were light and the loud vibration of the engine working made it near impossible to hear somebody approaching. I caught Miranda by surprise when I wrapped my hands around her waist. Instinctively, I grabbed her in my arms and nuzzled my face in to the crook of her neck. The engine's power seemed to engulf us in a world of our very own as the noise drowned out all thoughts - all doubts.

Miranda moved her mouth towards my right ear where she placed light butterfly kisses at the tips. I heard her breath a sigh of relief in my ears as if she was holding in her breath before I even arrived. The grip I had on her waist tightened as I fully embraced her and pulled her as humanly close towards me. With ease, I picked her up in one swift motion on top of the controls.

I giggled and Miranda said, "What is it, Shepard?"

I raised my eyebrows in amusement and replied, "This is where Tali works."

Miranda returned my smile and said, "Must you bring up Tali before we do the deed?"

"What? I couldn't help but say so," I said.

Miranda squeezed my shoulders and said, "You take nothing seriously do you? You're worse than Joker."

"Oh, come on, Miri," I groaned. "Now you're bringing up Joker in this conversation. The mood is definitely killed now."

Miranda then moved in towards my ear to graze her teeth against the outer ridge of my lobe. I shivered from the sensations her action produced. "Okay, it's back now," I huffed shakily, and Miranda giggled girlishly in my ear. I felt a searing wave of pleasure strike towards the pit of my abdomen in an instant.

My hands were eager to explore her every curve and Miranda noticed the fervent movement of my hands and stopped them from roving. "Easy, Commander," she whispered, her voice drenched in lust.

My face felt like it was burning both from the heat emitting from the engine and the boiling of my blood. "Can't help it," I mumbled against her clavicle. The rumbling of the engine put me in a trance and I relished in the transportation out of my mind and only living in the moment.

Miranda brought my face up to hers and kissed me eagerly. I reciprocated the intensity and groaned from the increasing frustration building up within me. Miranda's mouth curled up into a smile and she was the first to break apart our mouths, leaving me gasping and pleading for more.

I saw the shine of lust in her eyes and could vaguely see my own reflection staring back at me from those pretty blue eyes of hers. The thin veil of lust glazed over my eyes were all too clear.

She pulled me in for another kiss and I flicked the tip of my tongue against her lips to ask for admittance. She parted her lips to allow my tongue access into her mouth where the taste of Miranda blew up to an intensity that almost brought me to my knees. My tongue greedily and frantically explored her mouth, tasting Miranda until I became dizzy from such a mind-blowing flavor. She moaned in my mouth and the vibration reverberated to my lips to my very core. I couldn't stand it any longer.

My hands fell to her hips where I lifted her and moved her against the wall, but she pushed me backwards onto the floor. My back collided with the cold metallic floor of the engine room, but I was immediately warmed by the heat radiating from Miranda's body lying on top of me.

She sat back up and slowly stripped off the top half of her cat suit with a look in her eyes which left me speechless. I gulped nervously as she brought the slip over her shoulders where it dropped down to her hips, revealing her lacy black bra. I sat up and pressed my face against the upper area of her chest and moved my head to place a kiss on the beauty mark near her right shoulder. Miranda wouldn't allow me to freely indulge in her exposed flesh and pushed me back down onto the floor. She swept back her unruly hair to one side and started to suck on my neck. Hard. Soft. Fast and then slow until there was a dark mark on my neck. It was painful but unbearably pleasurable as she licked, bit, and sucked on my sensitive skin.

I wrapped my arms around her neck to pressure her mouth down even harder against my throat. The sensation of her soft lips massaging my skin, nearly made me climax. Her hands lazily caressed the base of my throat and then they descended slowly towards my chest. Miranda pulled down the zipper on my sweater in one fluid movement - no longer fiddling or playing with the thing. I helped her remove the clothing from my body before she resumed kissing and sucking at the sensitive area at the base of my neck.

Her hand cupped my right breast and squeezed once lightly and then harder when she was encouraged by my moans. I was breathing heavily and felt as if I was floating away from my body. Miranda swiftly took off my shirt and unhooked my bra in seconds as I did the same to her. She immediately pressed her chest against mine and there are no adequate words to describe the amazing feeling of naked flesh against each other.

I moaned at the welcomed contact. Miranda's warm saturated breaths tickled my neck as she wriggled one of her thighs towards my core. I gasped loudly when her thigh reached its desired destination. I held onto her shoulders tightly as she increased the pressure and started to move her thigh in circular motions. My breathing was now erratic and my mind was transported into a state of delirious stupor - my only focus was on the movements of her leg.

Miranda kissed me hungrily, but I couldn't hold the union of our lips for long and had to remove my mouth from hers to gasp from the lack of air. I buried my face between her breasts as she continued to torture me with her knee pressed up hard against my center. I kissed the valley between her breasts and then proceeded to envelop my mouth around her left nipple. Miranda threw back he head and moaned. It was a beautiful sound. I continued to suck and lick the stiff nub, wanting to hear all ranges of Miranda's voice. She was now moving her thigh harder and faster against me until I nearly reached my peak, but then she stopped. Miranda can be so cruel.

I looked up at her with pleading eyes and she smirked at the submissive state the great Commander was in. Miranda kissed me and then whispered against my lips. "Tell me what you want, Commander."

I was taken aback at her request, bur I couldn't help but feel delighted shivers run down my spine at her dominance. "I-I…" I stuttered. There was a wetness down in my pants and it was distracting me. I blushed when I realized just how soaked my underwear was.

Miranda looked at me with a half-lidded gaze with the same confident smirk still on her face. "If not…" she trailed off threateningly and then flicked the tip of my ear with her tongue. I shut my eyes and soaked in the ecstasy I was feeling.

I wriggled beneath her and whimpered, "Please, Miri," I groaned. I was nearly bursting from the anticipation welling up in me.

"Please… what?" Miranda goaded.

"Please, make love to me," I gasped out.

Miranda paused and chuckled. I reopened my eyes to see that she was genuinely laughing at me. "What?" I sighed, truly puzzled and Miranda shook her head.

She giggled again and said, "That wasn't exactly what I was fishing to hear from you."

I blinked dumbly from beneath her. She smiled and moved in to place a kiss on my cheek before she huskily whispered. "I guess you're not really one for dirty talk. I was thinking more along the lines of please, _fuck_ me, but your response is much, much cuter."

The redness of my cheeks intensified when I realized I just sounded like a complete dork during our first time. "I-" I started, but Miranda cut off my next word with her lips upon mine.

Miranda moved her hands towards my pants until she reached the buttons of my jeans. She unbuttoned them without a hitch and slid them easily off my legs. The instantaneous chill of the metal beneath me caused a gasp to escape from my lips.

"Cold?" Miranda questioned, but I just nodded my head no.

"Don't worry," she mumbled against my cheek. "I'll warm you up in no time." She pushed down on me and our breasts rubbed together creating waves of delightful pleasure to swim throughout my body and pool between my legs.

My cheeks flushed to a shade of red I never thought was achievable. Miranda giggled amusedly at the sight of my cheeks shifting to varying degrees of color. Without any hesitation, she cupped her hand around my core and I flinched from the sudden contact. I writhed when she pressed her palm hard against my sensitive nub and started to rub vigorously against the bundle of nerves. I was now moaning nonstop as she left me no time to breathe.

She stopped when I nearly reached my climax once more. "Miri," I groaned and lolled my head to the side. I was really far gone and only the thought of reaching my orgasm plagued my thoughts. "Not yet, Commander," she simply said and licked my chest and flicked her tongue across my right nipple. I bucked violently beneath her, but she firmly planted me on the floor. Her fingers danced and tickled down my stomach until they reached the spot between my thighs. She snaked her way in torturously slow until her fingers hovered in front of my entrance. I held my breath and stared up at the white ceiling. She nudged my face towards hers and I smiled at the sweet smile playing on her lips. I moved forward to kiss her and she proceeded to move her fingers in me inch by inch until two of her digits became a part of me. She didn't move and only let her fingers reside motionless inside me.

It had been a long time since I participated in any type of intercourse and I was tight - I could tell by how slowly Miranda was pushing in and out of me. But the slickness of my juices coated her fingers and soon made it effortless to slide in and out of me. I moaned loudly in her ear as she thrust her fingers in me. My arms wrapped around her shoulders and I soon followed the rhythm she had set. Miranda never let her eyes fall away from my face - she seemed to be observing every nuance of my expressions, analyzing the situation as she always did. She noticed I was partial to her fingers curling up inside me, so she kept them curled as she continued bringing me to levels of pleasure I never dreamed existed.

She was hitting me in all the right places and I was close for I felt my walls tighten around her fingers. Miranda brought her head down to kiss me as the floodgates of pleasure broke open in a wave of indescribable ecstasy. I moaned relentlessly in her mouth as my entire body was wracked with tidal waves of pleasure. I pulled her body close to mine as I felt light as a feather. Miranda did her best to prolong the orgasm by continuing to rub vigorously against my clit and I was left breathless on the floor after the last aftershock left me. My body ached with both pleasure and fatigue as Miranda lazily rubbed my inner thigh. I looked up at her and she looked down at me. I wasn't planning on letting her go unsatisfied. It wouldn't be fair.

"You're turn," I said and flipped her over to my previous position.

Miranda had surprise in her eyes when the roles were suddenly reversed, but she eventually smiled and pulled me down for a kiss. "Shepard," she sighed blissfully as I made my way down in between her thighs.

We spent the entire night in the engine room, but made sure to leave before Tali would come down to do her work. It was the least we could do for using her workspace as our own little personal romper room.


End file.
